“The only thing constant in change…”

So how do some people keep their relationships healthy through all the years? Not just being in a relationship because its comfortable or because that is what is expected in their environmental culture, but really be present and nourished by their relationships with their significant other? I have been hearing from clients and friends about their significant others’ not fulfilling their needs on one level or another. And it spurred me on to discussing this concept with my husband during a long trip to New Hampshire. But before I go there, let me first talk about the ‘weeds’.

You see, in Traditional Chinese Herbal Medicine, it is oftentimes the botanical weeds that are the most effective at releasing heat, moving stagnation in our bodies/digestive systems/minds, removing toxicity. We as herbalists like to utilize the powerful properties of our ‘weeds’ such as dandelion root and nettle while the rest of the world tries to eradicate them from the Earth and their gardens. It is the plants that serve us the best that we oftentimes avoid or try to remove from our lives.

So now, to return to my conversation with my husband. We discussed, we lamented, we chuckled, and we had compassion for all the relationships we had come in contact with throughout our life together. And from there, I created the 3 most important aspects every relationship should have:

1. Your best friend: yes, your significant other should be your best friend. Now there is a caviat here: girlfriends are key for the topics of which guys can not handle discussing/listening to, etc.

2. Trust/honesty: if you can not trust and/or be honest your significant other/yourself, then what do you have? This is what I am trying to teach my 5 year old son and it is questionable if he is grasping the concept yet. Funny, there are some 35 year olds who still haven’t.

3. Communication: uh huh. Bottom line….if you aren’t talking, someone is walking. Hindsight being 20/20, I never knew that the many hours after midnight my husband and I would spend outside on the porch of his old apartment in Oak Square after he got out of work, smoking and drinking wine, would be the foundation of the relationship we have today. *note: talk about toxicity from the smoking, eh? laughing to self….I’ll just use the dandelion root and others…*. But no seriously, talking to your best friend isn’t always easy but it should be essential and enjoyable.

And if a relationship doesn’t have these 3 qualities, usually there will be issues. Perhaps growing weeds instead of perfect flowers. Everyone wants the perfect life, the perfect relationship, like the ones portrayed on FaceBook, etc. I have seen perfect specimens of the nettle plant as well as the dandelions that seem to take my lawn over by storm each year. But I have yet to see a perfect relationship specimen. In fact, there have been a few people who questioned my relationship with my husband yet, I can confidently say that I am sitting next to my best friend right now.

So what are your ‘weeds’ and how can you change your perspective of them in order to water them (and your relationship) to fruition?….

This is the song that keeps playing in my head this morning. In fact, it woke me up.

Almost five years ago, I met my business partner and we ventured onto a path to create an out-patient pediatric therapy facility together. We had visions of large sensory gyms, helping families find the answers they were seeking, empowering our community through education, and truly integrating children’s therapies. I had a place to do research on sensory integration and pediatric acupuncture, a place to add to my list of things I had created as an accomplished woman. But no matter what insurances you may have or knowledgeable advisors may be there to help, one can not change the course of one’s path.

It became clear after I hit bottom at the beginning of this year, that I needed to really evaluate my life and what my priorities are. I had defined myself by my career for so long that in the process, had overlooked the most important success to date: my family. My son who craves attention and Star Wars, my daughter who dances in a tutu to Beastie Boys and Lady Gaga, and my husband who truly is my best friend and co-pilot on this flight of life. And where I was investing the most of my energy was not yielding the return I really needed. Again, it became clear.

So I began the painstaking process of ending a partnership and focusing on what was most meaningful and what most defined who I am. Painstaking doesn’t even begin to describe the past three months and it’s not quite over. But what is over is my physical time at the space I created with positivity and excitement. And I wish that space only success and prosperity in the future.

So today is a day that will define me in many ways. I have a lot to accomplish today and I am going to try to keep my focus but I accept that there will be tears along the way. I have support today that I am so grateful for and too many future opportunities available to count! I am truly thankful for all abundance and know I am safe and secure in this life.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”  Perfectly poignant…don’t you think?