Acupuncture Blog

As relationships form, relationships fall apart. Ahhhhhh, such is life and nature.

“The only thing constant in change…”

So how do some people keep their relationships healthy through all the years? Not just being in a relationship because its comfortable or because that is what is expected in their environmental culture, but really be present and nourished by their relationships with their significant other? I have been hearing from clients and friends about their significant others’ not fulfilling their needs on one level or another. And it spurred me on to discussing this concept with my husband during a long trip to New Hampshire. But before I go there, let me first talk about the ‘weeds’.

You see, in Traditional Chinese Herbal Medicine, it is oftentimes the botanical weeds that are the most effective at releasing heat, moving stagnation in our bodies/digestive systems/minds, removing toxicity. We as herbalists like to utilize the powerful properties of our ‘weeds’ such as dandelion root and nettle while the rest of the world tries to eradicate them from the Earth and their gardens. It is the plants that serve us the best that we oftentimes avoid or try to remove from our lives.

So now, to return to my conversation with my husband. We discussed, we lamented, we chuckled, and we had compassion for all the relationships we had come in contact with throughout our life together. And from there, I created the 3 most important aspects every relationship should have:

1. Your best friend: yes, your significant other should be your best friend. Now there is a caviat here: girlfriends are key for the topics of which guys can not handle discussing/listening to, etc.

2. Trust/honesty: if you can not trust and/or be honest your significant other/yourself, then what do you have? This is what I am trying to teach my 5 year old son and it is questionable if he is grasping the concept yet. Funny, there are some 35 year olds who still haven’t.

3. Communication: uh huh. Bottom line….if you aren’t talking, someone is walking. Hindsight being 20/20, I never knew that the many hours after midnight my husband and I would spend outside on the porch of his old apartment in Oak Square after he got out of work, smoking and drinking wine, would be the foundation of the relationship we have today. *note: talk about toxicity from the smoking, eh? laughing to self….I’ll just use the dandelion root and others…*. But no seriously, talking to your best friend isn’t always easy but it should be essential and enjoyable.

And if a relationship doesn’t have these 3 qualities, usually there will be issues. Perhaps growing weeds instead of perfect flowers. Everyone wants the perfect life, the perfect relationship, like the ones portrayed on FaceBook, etc. I have seen perfect specimens of the nettle plant as well as the dandelions that seem to take my lawn over by storm each year. But I have yet to see a perfect relationship specimen. In fact, there have been a few people who questioned my relationship with my husband yet, I can confidently say that I am sitting next to my best friend right now.

So what are your ‘weeds’ and how can you change your perspective of them in order to water them (and your relationship) to fruition?….

Last night, as I put the kids to bed, the thunder rolled in the distance and I could feel the heaviness in the air. I had seen the darker clouds above me as I drove home but they had been silent and yet very present. As my son crawled into bed, I could smell the rain. You know what I am talking about here. The smell of the warm pavement, cooling as the rain washed over it. I breathed in and out, enjoying the memories that went along with that smell.

I knew I would always be someone to love nature and help people. Little did I know that my life would veer me into Chinese Herbal Medicine in order to combine the reality. But one memory in particular always sticks out: The Grand Tetons and the passing storm. You see, my family traveled in a Ford Four Star motorhome in my childhood. My father loved to drive and experience nature with us. My mother, a teacher, loved the new experiences and seemed to always have of way of making learning fun. We would go for 1-2 weeks at a time, driving the entire West Coast.

One vacation, we went to the Grand Teton National Park. At that time, the majestic beauty of it all didn’t really sink in but now looking back at the beautiful landscape and rich forest, it was absolutely breathtaking. There is a lake there, Jenny Lake, where we parked the camper and had lunch one day. The slope down to the lake was rocky but the view was awesome! The Grand Teton mountain itself was in the center of the range on the other side of Jenny Lake, it’s reflection in the still lake was amazing. My bother and I wanted to go swimming (we always wanted to go swimming) so off we went, in our bathing suits, into the freezing water! Of course it was melted snow water from the range so needless to say, we didn’t last long. Out we came, warmed up in our towels and then by the sun. My mom started lunch and everyone went inside, except for me. I stayed out, to sit in the sun for a while. My mom told me there was a passing storm approaching at the far end of the lake and that I needed to come inside. She showed me how to ‘read the water’. I saw the clouds but didn’t move. I like to think she knew it would be a warm front so she let me stay out but either way, I watched the front move towards me. It was slow and deliberate in it’s movement. I was fascinated by the fact that I could see the pattern of the falling rain move across the lake as it drew near where I was laying, face down on the rocky beach. When it had finally gotten to where I was, I noticed it was quiet and sunny at the far end of the lake, as if the front had never been there. Yet, here I was feeling the rain on my back, watching the rocks soak up the drops. It was a warm rain and it was beautiful. The clouds continued to move on and the sun came out from the shadows. I remember looking across the lake at the mountain range thinking, if they see this on a frequent basis, no wonder they are so majestic. I got up from my lying place and I could see the rocks under me were dry, never touched by the experience of the rain this time. But I know I was.

And as I sit here typing, I notice the meadow flowers my daughter had picked last Sunday are in need of water. So do the sunflowers I had picked. I watered them and thanked them for their beauty.

With the smell of rain still on my mind from last night and that memory at Jenny Lake, I remember speaking aloud to my son last night, “Ooh buddy, you’ll be able to go to sleep smelling the rain.” A blank stare was seen as he tried to figure out what I meant by that comment. I know some day he will honestly know what I mean.

When my husband said to me the other day, “let’s go camping with the kids this weekend”, I almost fell over. Are you serious? I took Nathan camping a year ago ms he didn’t stop talking about it for a few months. But we’ve never take my girly-girl and I was a little hesitant to try anything new with all the stuff going on right now. But I agreed and off we went this afternoon.
Now, setting up the North Face tent that my husband treasures more than life itself with two kids who were very eager to “help” was more than a feat of patience. Then off to swim and returned to enjoy dinner and good old s’mores.
Let’s discuss the s’mores for a moment. I love the marshmellow toasted lightly brown, non burnt edges, smooshed between three small piece of Hershey’s chocolate and grah crackers. I get the lightly toasted skill set from my mom, thank you Mom. My kids like to light fire to the marshmallow on the stick only then to refuse to eat it. What do they want? A plain marshmallow. That’s it. Wow…speechless camper here.
But the best part was putting them to sleep. Laughter, tackling, glow sticks being hung from the top of the tent and swinging. “I have baby on my hands, don’t touch me!” to “mana manah, sing it Samantha…”. These are the moments that bring tears to my eyes. Even the part when my parents told us to be quiet three times!
Thank you to our parents for teaching is the importance of camping with children and here’s to the 30th mother-daughter trip we learned about from a passing stranger. Memories are important, more than anything else….solidifying my decision to simplify was the right one.

So, I found myself at a crossroads recently, deciding to simplify my life. I have done a lot in my life career-wise and felt kind of like a Superwoman for a while. Soon though, as every Superwoman can attest, our capes get dirty, tattered, in need of cleaning and repair. I found mine needing to go to the cleaners in February of 2011. Interesting how when your cape is at the cleaners, you really find yourself lost and little naked. It was in that state that the reality of my ‘Superwoman’ status was obvious…I was losing out on valuable time with my family, my children, my acupuncture business, and most importantly, myself. All for what? Career advancement? Hadn’t I advanced enough with two successful businesses? I had to make a huge decision and let me tell you, it was not an easy one.

It has been a challenging introspective road I have been traveling on the past few months. And man, the CalTrans and MassDOT unions would NEVER consider contracting with my Superwoman state to ‘improve these roads’! They are pretty beat up and missing some major sections in a few areas. But I do have some gorgeous scenery. Those moments in time when you find yourself without a camera but your “mind’s camera” catches the brief picture of happiness, that one split second your child looks at you in a way that is indescribable. You know that moment. Those are the moments that outline the scenery that lines my road right now, reminding me that I am on the right path and that something great is ahead while reminding me of the beauty in the current traveling moment.

Just the other day, I realized that I was not needed and can be replaced. This is a tough place to be in as an owner of something. But as a colleague told me, “If we were all irreplaceable, the world would have ended years ago.” Ah true. That day was uncomfortable and full of emotion. I found myself weeding. Kind of appropo since I am an herbalist after all and an a crazy gardener who’s gardening capabilities have been put on hold due to my kids. I like to play with them instead of gardening sometimes and they like to pick my flowers. I have moved to food and herb-based plants in my garden so they can but the weeds were getting so out of control!

So I started on the sidewalk in front of my house. Funny thing happens when you are in front of your house – neighbors start talking to you. We talk about herbs, exchange a few plants for stuffed quahogs, talk to tween girls about Justin Beeber, and sympathize with the grandfather walking outside on the sidewalk with a newborn baby crying trying to calm and quiet the little one. Meanwhile, my husband is knee deep in compost in the back of the yard, missing this all go on. But I think this was meant for me to experience anyhow.

I just started pulling weeds. I knew some of their names in Pin Yin, some were cooking herbs that got crazy expanding their roots, and some I just wanted to get rid of. They seem to just be everywhere. And as I pulled, I found spiders, ants, burrs, beetles, all sorts of characters! When I was done, there was an emptiness in the beds and cracks, a sense of clean. The fresh dirt was showing and my husband asking behind me, “Where do you want me to put the compost?”

It made me think.

What is my life going to look like after I am done with this chapter? Are the weeds really just weeds? Or are they valuable herbs (lessons) and all I have experienced (the neighbors, the critters, the interactions) while removing them made me a better person? I guess I had to remove the weeds in order to see the richness of the life that surrounded them.

I am going to try to write more on my website about life, herbs, and the interaction of it all. I’m going to call it “Musings of an Herbal Mind” and I hope that my journey helps you on yours…or at least makes you laugh in the moment.